Study Guide: 2 Samuel 13
*This study guide can be used in conjunction with the message preached on September 21, 2025 during the series Imperfect Heroes.
Pray
Lord, as I read 2 Samuel 13, help me to see and confront sin with courage and seek healing where there is hurt.
Read
2 Samuel 13
Observe
vv. 1-2 | Amnon infatuated with Tamar
Amnon, David’s firstborn son and crown prince, became obsessed with his half-sister Tamar, the beautiful daughter of David and Maacah. His desire for her grew so strong that he became physically sick. Tamar was a virgin, which meant she was available for marriage, but she was off-limits to Amnon because God’s law forbade marriage between half-siblings. Amnon’s so-called “love” was really lust. His name meant “faithful” and Absalom’s meant “peace,” while Tamar’s meant “palm tree” or “fruitful,” but none of them lived up to their names in this tragic story.
vv. 3–5 | Evil advice from Jonadab
Amnon confided in his cousin Jonadab, a man described as very crafty. Seeing Amnon wasting away, Jonadab asked what was wrong, and Amnon admitted his desire for Tamar. Instead of giving godly counsel, Jonadab offered a wicked plan: Amnon should pretend to be sick and request Tamar to bring him food, creating a private opportunity to be alone with her. This “friend” acted more like an enemy, setting into motion a destructive series of events. What Amnon called “love” was really lust that blinded him to reality—even to the point of calling Tamar “Absalom’s sister” instead of admitting she was also his own.
vv. 6–10 | Amnon pretends to be ill
Following Jonadab’s advice, Amnon faked illness. When David visited him, Amnon asked for Tamar to prepare food in his sight and feed him by hand. Without questioning the request, David sent Tamar to care for her half-brother. Tamar baked the cakes, but Amnon refused to eat and dismissed everyone else. He then pressured Tamar to bring the food into his bedroom. David’s indulgence of Amnon’s childish behavior gave him exactly what he wanted—time alone with Tamar. Amnon’s deception made David an unknowing accomplice, and it revealed just how quickly he obeyed wicked advice.
vv. 11–14 | Amnon rapes Tamar
When Tamar entered the room, Amnon grabbed her and demanded she sleep with him. Tamar resisted, pleading with him not to commit such a disgraceful act. She reminded him of the shame it would bring upon her and the dishonor it would bring upon him, making him like one of Israel’s fools. She even suggested asking the king as a delaying tactic, but Amnon refused to listen. Overpowered by lust and stronger than Tamar, he forced himself on her. Despite Tamar’s wise, desperate words, Amnon chose to rape her.
Vs. 15 | Amnon rejects Tamar
Afterward, Amnon’s lust turned instantly to hatred. His disgust for Tamar was even stronger than the desire he had once claimed as “love.” He told her to get out. This sudden reversal revealed the truth: he never loved her at all. He only wanted to satisfy his lust, and now Tamar’s presence reminded him of his guilt. His reaction reflected the generational patterns of his father David, whose lust led to adultery with Bathsheba. Yet Amnon went further into sin, proving how children can amplify their parents’ weaknesses.
vv. 16–18 | Amnon casts out Tamar
Tamar begged Amnon not to send her away, saying this rejection would deepen her shame even more. According to the Law, he could have attempted to make things right by paying the bride-price, but Amnon refused. Instead, he ordered his servant to throw her out and lock the door behind her. Tamar was wearing a long robe of many colors, the traditional garment of David’s virgin daughters, but Amnon stripped her of her dignity and treated her with contempt, calling her “this woman” instead of his sister or a princess.
vv. 19–20 | Tamar mourns and Absalom comforts her
Tamar tore her robe, placed ashes on her head, and left Amnon’s house crying in public grief. She didn’t try to hide her shame or pretend nothing had happened. Absalom, her full brother, immediately guessed what happened and asked if Amnon had been with her. His calm words told her not to take it to heart, but his silence masked his hatred and plans for revenge. Tamar, devastated and desolate, lived in Absalom’s house for the rest of her life.
vv. 21–22 | David’s anger and inaction
When David heard about what happened, he was furious, but he did nothing to discipline Amnon or defend Tamar. Perhaps his own guilt from past sins made him feel unqualified to deal with his son’s evil. This failure as a father only opened the door for more dysfunction. Absalom, meanwhile, refused to speak to Amnon, hiding his hatred beneath a calm exterior while planning vengeance.
vv. 23–27 | Absalom’s plan for revenge
Two years passed, but Absalom did not forget Tamar’s pain or his hatred for Amnon. When he hosted a feast at sheep-shearing time, he invited all the king’s sons and urged David to let Amnon attend. Reluctantly, David agreed, making the gathering possible. Just as Amnon once used David’s command to get Tamar alone, Absalom now used David’s consent to set a trap for his brother.
vv. 28–29 | Absalom kills Amnon
During the feast, Absalom instructed his servants to wait until Amnon was drunk and relaxed. At his signal, they killed Amnon. This act fulfilled part of God’s judgment against David that “the sword would never depart from his house” because of his sin with Bathsheba. Just as David used wine and deceit in Uriah’s death, Absalom used the same methods in killing Amnon. All the other sons fled in fear.
vv. 30–36 | David learns of the murder of Amnon
News quickly reached David that all his sons were dead, but Jonadab reassured him that only Amnon had been killed. He explained that Absalom had planned this from the day Amnon violated Tamar. Soon the surviving sons arrived, weeping along with their father. David mourned deeply for Amnon, yet his failure to discipline Amnon earlier contributed to this tragedy. Had he acted with justice and correction, Absalom might not have felt compelled to take vengeance into his own hands.
vv. 37–39 | Absalom flees to Geshur
After the murder, Absalom fled to Geshur, the kingdom of his maternal grandfather, and stayed there for three years. David mourned daily for Absalom, longing to see him again, even though Absalom had killed his brother. Just as David was indulgent toward Amnon, he now softened toward Absalom, setting the stage for even greater conflict.
Credit: Guzik, David. “2 Samuel 13 - Amnon, Tamar, and Absalom.” Enduring Word, n.d., https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/2-samuel-13.
Apply
1. Unchecked lust destroys lives.
Amnon’s so-called “love” was really lust, and it blinded him to God’s commands, Tamar’s dignity, and his own future. When we don’t confront sinful desires early, they can grow into actions that hurt us and others. We must learn to guard our hearts, test our motives, and submit our desires to God before they control us.
2. Silence in the face of sin creates deeper wounds.
David’s anger at Amnon was right, but his failure to act left Tamar unprotected and gave Absalom the space to plot revenge. Sometimes doing nothing feels easier, but passivity often causes greater harm. God calls us to step into hard situations with wisdom, courage, and justice instead of avoiding them.
3. Revenge only multiplies brokenness.
Absalom’s murder of Amnon didn’t heal Tamar’s pain or restore righteousness; it only deepened the cycle of violence in David’s family. Taking justice into our own hands never brings true peace. Only God can judge perfectly, and only forgiveness and accountability according to His ways can break the spiral of sin.
Pray (ACTS)
What is the ACTS prayer model?
A - Praise God for being holy and just.
C - Confess a time you stayed silent when you should have spoken, or were passive when you could have acted.
T - Thank God that even in the midst of sin, pain, and brokenness, that He sees, heals, and can redeem what is shattered.
S - Ask God for courage to resist sinful desires.
DISCUSS
Questions for personal reflection, spiritual insight, or group interaction.
What does Amnon’s obsession with Tamar teach us about the difference between love and lust?
Why do you think Jonadab’s advice was so destructive, and what does it reveal about the influence of friends?
How did David’s indulgence of his children contribute to this tragedy?
What warning can we learn from Amnon’s quick obedience to sinful advice compared to how slowly people often respond to godly counsel?
How does Tamar’s resistance to Amnon show both her wisdom and her courage?
Why do you think Amnon’s lust so quickly turned into hatred?
What can Tamar’s public grief teach us about responding to shame and injustice?
Why do you think David became angry but failed to act when he heard about Tamar?
How did Absalom’s silence reveal his heart, and what dangers are there in holding onto bitterness?
What role did revenge play in worsening the brokenness of David’s family?
How does this chapter demonstrate the principle of “the sins of the father” repeating in the lives of the children?
Where do you see God’s justice, mercy, or warning at work in this story, and how can it shape your choices today?
Resources for Further Study of 2 Samuel