Study Guide: 2 Samuel 14
*This study guide can be used in conjunction with the message preached on September 28, 2025 during the series Imperfect Heroes.
Pray
Heavenly Father, as I read 2 Samuel 14, reveal relationships in my life where I’ve been holding back and help me to take steps toward reconciliation.
Read
2 Samuel 14
Observe
vv. 1–3 | Joab’s plan to reconcile David and Absalom
Joab, David’s military commander, could see that the king was deeply troubled about his estranged son Absalom. The situation was at a standstill, with neither side willing to take the first step toward reconciliation. Out of loyalty to David and concern for the kingdom, Joab devised a plan. He brought a wise woman from Tekoa and instructed her to act as if she had been mourning a long time, then tell David a story that would mirror his own dilemma with Absalom. Joab carefully gave her the words to say, hoping this would move David to restore his son.
vv. 4–11 | The woman of Tekoa tells a story of one son dead and another son threatened with death
The woman from Tekoa approached David with great humility, falling on her face before him and begging for help. She explained that she was a widow with two sons who had fought, leaving one dead. Now her family demanded the execution of the surviving son, leaving her without an heir or family line. Moved by her plea, David promised to protect her remaining son. She pressed further, asking him to swear by the Lord that not one hair of her son’s head would fall to the ground. In agreeing, David chose compassion over strict justice—an answer that revealed the very point Joab and the woman were hoping to expose. Her appeal worked because of her status as a widow, her appearance of mourning, and the fact that her case seemed distant and believable.
vv. 12–17 | The woman of Tekoa applies her story to David and Absalom
After winning David’s sympathy, the woman directly applied her story to him: “Why have you not brought back your banished son?” She reminded David that life is short, like water spilled on the ground, and reconciliation must not be delayed. She urged him to consider God’s example, who devises ways to restore the banished rather than leave them cut off. This was a bold rebuke, pointing out David’s failure to act. God provides reconciliation without setting aside justice, but David was allowing bitterness and distance to grow unchecked with Absalom. The woman’s words pressed him toward action, though they also revealed how hard it is to balance mercy and justice.
vv. 18–20 | David asks the woman of Tekoa if Joab prompted her
David’s wisdom saw through the story, and he asked the woman directly if Joab was behind it. She admitted it was Joab’s idea and praised David’s discernment, saying his wisdom was like that of an angel of God. Joab had indeed orchestrated every detail, knowing exactly how to appeal to the king’s heart. His loyalty was real, but not entirely selfless; Joab also wanted stability in the kingdom, and Absalom’s exile was a dangerous problem left unresolved.
vv. 21–24 | Absalom returns to Jerusalem but not to David
David agreed to Joab’s request and allowed Absalom to return from Geshur. Joab celebrated that the king had granted his petition, and Absalom was brought back to Jerusalem. Yet David added a harsh condition: Absalom could return to his own house but could not see the king’s face. For three years David had done nothing about his son, and now when Absalom returned, he gave him only partial reconciliation. This harshness contrasted with David’s earlier leniency toward Amnon and revealed his inconsistency as both a father and a king. Parents who fail to discipline early often swing to the opposite extreme, creating greater tension. David’s refusal to see Absalom only deepened the bitterness between them.
vv. 25–27 | Absalom’s handsome appearance
Absalom quickly grew in popularity throughout Israel, not only because of his royal status but also because of his striking good looks. From head to toe, he was without blemish. His thick hair was so heavy that when he cut it each year, it weighed nearly five and a half pounds. He was the third son of David and likely the crown prince since Amnon was dead and Chileab had disappeared from the scene. Absalom also showed deep family loyalty, naming his daughter Tamar after his sister who had been wronged by Amnon. His appearance and charm made him an attractive figure to the nation, setting the stage for his future influence.
vv. 28–32 | Absalom is refused audience with the king
For two full years Absalom lived in Jerusalem without ever seeing his father. The partial reconciliation fueled his bitterness. Twice he sent for Joab to arrange a meeting with David, but Joab ignored him. Frustrated, Absalom ordered his servants to burn Joab’s barley field, forcing him to come. When confronted, Absalom boldly declared he would rather remain in exile than endure this half-hearted treatment. He demanded to see the king’s face, even saying that if he were guilty, David should execute him. This showed both Absalom’s hardened sense of justification and his manipulative, reckless nature.
Vs. 33 | David receives Absalom
At last Joab went to David, who finally summoned Absalom. When Absalom entered, he bowed low before his father, and David kissed him. Outwardly this appeared to be reconciliation, but beneath the surface, years of bitterness and unresolved sin remained. David granted forgiveness without repentance, overlooking the serious crimes Absalom had committed. In personal relationships, forgiveness that overlooks wrongs can be an act of love, but David was more than a father—he was the king and judge of Israel. By failing to uphold justice, he sowed seeds of greater conflict. David’s inadequate forgiveness would have tragic consequences for him, for Absalom, and for the entire nation.
Credit: Guzik, David. “2 Samuel 14 - Absalom Returns to Jerusalem.” Enduring Word, n.d., https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/2-samuel-14.
Apply
1. Partial reconciliation leaves wounds unhealed.
David allowed Absalom to return but refused to see him for years. This half-hearted reconciliation only deepened Absalom’s bitterness and set the stage for rebellion. In our relationships, ignoring issues or offering surface-level forgiveness without truly addressing the hurt will only make things worse. God calls us to pursue genuine peace and healing, not just appearances.
2. Mercy must be balanced with justice.
David showed mercy by letting Absalom come back, but he neglected justice by overlooking his crimes. True reconciliation requires both grace and accountability. In our lives, whether in family, friendships, or leadership, we must remember that real restoration doesn’t come by ignoring sin but by dealing with it rightly.
3. God makes a way for the banished to return.
The woman of Tekoa spoke a powerful truth: God devises ways to bring His banished ones back to Himself. This points us to the gospel—God does not ignore sin but provides forgiveness through Jesus, who satisfies justice on our behalf. For us, this means no matter how far we feel from God, He has already made a way back. Our role is to respond with humility and faith.
Pray (ACTS)
What is the ACTS prayer model?
A - Praise God for being a God who devises ways to bring the banished back to Himself.
C - Confess the times you have settled for half-hearted forgiveness or avoided reconciliation our of pride or fear.
T - Thank God for sending Jesus as the way to be fully restored back to God.
S - Ask God for courage and wisdom to pursue genuine reconciliation with those He places on your mind.
DISCUSS
Questions for personal reflection, spiritual insight, or group interaction.
What do you think motivated Joab to step in and orchestrate reconciliation between David and Absalom?
How can Joab’s approach—using a wise woman and a story—teach us about addressing sensitive issues with others?
Why do you think David struggled to reconcile fully with Absalom even though his heart longed for him?
In what ways do we sometimes offer “partial reconciliation” in our own relationships, and what are the consequences?
The woman of Tekoa said, “God devises means so that His banished ones are not expelled from Him.” How does this statement point us to the gospel?
What’s the difference between overlooking a wrong out of love and ignoring sin in a way that avoids justice?
How does David’s failure to balance mercy and justice warn us about the way we handle conflict?
What do you notice about Absalom’s character in this chapter, and how did David’s treatment of him fuel his bitterness?
Absalom set Joab’s field on fire to get attention. How might God sometimes “set our barley fields on fire” to get our attention?
David kissed Absalom at the end, but without true repentance from Absalom or true accountability from David. What does this teach us about the dangers of shallow reconciliation?
How can we pursue reconciliation in a way that reflects both God’s mercy and His justice?
Where in your life right now might God be calling you to take the first step toward reconciliation?
Resources for Further Study of 2 Samuel