Study Guide: 2 Samuel 3
*This study guide can be used in conjunction with the message preached on July 6, 2025 during the series Imperfect Heroes.
Pray
Pray and ask God to prepare your heart to see His hand in the midst of conflict and for help to trust His unfolding plan.
Read
2 Samuel 3
Observe
vv. 2-5 | David’s sons born in Hebron
While David ruled in Hebron for seven years, he had six sons by six different wives. His first son was Amnon, born to Ahinoam of Jezreel. His second was Chileab (also called Daniel) by Abigail, who had been Nabal’s wife. The third was Absalom, son of Maacah, the daughter of Talmai, king of Geshur. The fourth was Adonijah by Haggith. The fifth was Shephatiah by Abital. The sixth was Ithream by Eglah. David’s many wives went against God’s command that Israel’s kings should not marry many women (Deuteronomy 17:17), which also broke God’s original plan for marriage (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4–6). In David’s culture, powerful men—especially kings—often had many wives to show their importance. The Bible doesn’t directly condemn David’s polygamy here, but it later shows how it caused pain in his family. God still blessed David, but his family suffered because of these choices.
vv. 6-7 | Ishbosheth accuses Abner of sleeping with Saul’s concubine
As the war between Saul’s house and David’s continued, Abner became stronger in Saul’s camp. Ishbosheth accused Abner of sleeping with Rizpah, one of Saul’s concubines. Back then, taking a king’s concubine was not just sexual sin—it was a way of claiming the throne. It meant someone was trying to take the king’s place by taking what belonged to him. Abner may have enjoyed having power over the weak Ishbosheth so he could control things behind the scenes.
vv. 8-11 | Abner angrily responds and decides to support David
Abner was furious when he heard Ishbosheth’s accusation and defended his loyalty to Saul’s family. He swore he would now help David become king, as God had promised. Abner probably hadn’t done what he was accused of, and Ishbosheth may have accused him to get rid of him. Abner knew David was God’s chosen king, but he only decided to act on that knowledge when his pride was hurt. He did the right thing, but for the wrong reason—waiting until he felt insulted instead of obeying God from the start.
vv. 12-16 | David agrees to a covenant if Abner brings Michal
Abner sent messengers to David, offering to help bring all of Israel under his rule. David agreed, but only if Abner returned Michal, David’s first wife. David reminded Ishbosheth that he had paid the bride price for her with 100 Philistine foreskins. Ishbosheth gave Michal back, even though her current husband followed her, crying until Abner told him to leave. David wanted Michal back because she was still legally his wife, it showed he didn’t hold a grudge against Saul’s family, it strengthened his claim to the throne, and it helped unify Israel—though it hurt her current husband.
vv. 17-19 | Abner gathers support for David from Israel’s tribes
Abner spoke with Israel’s elders, reminding them they once wanted David as king and telling them to act now because God had promised to save Israel through David. He also spoke with the tribe of Benjamin and then went to meet David in Hebron. David didn’t force himself onto Israel but waited until the people wanted him as king. Jesus does the same—He is Lord but doesn’t force Himself on anyone. Like Abner, some people resist God’s chosen king at first but later encourage others to follow Him, realizing it’s urgent to act. Until Jesus becomes king in your life, something else will rule over you. Many in Israel knew God’s promises to David but were slow to act on them, just like many today know Jesus is Lord but don’t surrender to Him.
vv. 20-21 | David welcomes Abner with a feast
Abner arrived in Hebron with twenty men, and David welcomed them with a feast. Abner promised he would bring all of Israel under David’s rule, and David sent him away in peace. David showed kindness and generosity to a man who had once been his enemy.
vv. 22-25 | Joab hears that Abner came and left peacefully
When Joab returned from a raid, he found out Abner had visited David and left peacefully. Joab was upset and confronted David, accusing Abner of being a spy. Joab was angry because he feared Abner might still be loyal to Ishbosheth, wanted revenge since Abner had killed his brother Asahel in battle, and saw Abner as a threat who could take his place as David’s top commander.
vv. 26-27 | Joab murders Abner outside the city of refuge
Joab secretly sent messengers to bring Abner back and met him at Hebron’s gate. He stabbed Abner in the stomach and killed him to get revenge for Asahel’s death. Because Hebron was a city of refuge where Abner was safe by law, Joab tricked him into leaving the city and then murdered him. This was a planned and cruel act. Joab might have thought he was helping David, but sin never pleases God.
vv. 28-30 | David publicly denounces Joab’s actions
When David heard Abner was dead, he declared he was innocent of the murder and cursed Joab’s family. He put the blame on Joab and his brother Abishai, who both wanted revenge. Although David made it clear he didn’t approve, he didn’t punish Joab—possibly because he needed Joab as his military leader, even though Joab was dangerous and ruthless.
vv. 31-39 | David mourns for Abner
David ordered everyone to mourn for Abner and personally walked behind Abner’s coffin to the grave. He cried loudly and sang a song of mourning to honor Abner’s life. David even refused to eat, showing deep sorrow, which convinced the people that he had nothing to do with Abner’s death. David wanted everyone to know his kingdom would be based on justice, not revenge. This situation was messy—like many parts of David’s life—but as Proverbs 14:4 says, when there’s life and progress, there will be some messiness too.
Apply
1. Let God work in His timing, even when it’s slow
In this chapter, we see that “the war between the house of Saul and the house of David lasted a long time” (v.1). Though David had been anointed king, the fulfillment of God’s promise took time. When you're waiting on God's promises, resist the urge to force outcomes. Trust His timing, even when progress feels slow. Growth and God's plans often unfold gradually, not instantly.
2. Pride and bitterness destroy relationships
Abner’s falling out with Ishbosheth wasn’t over righteousness—it was over pride. When his authority was challenged, Abner defected out of spite. Later, Joab’s personal grudge led to the murder of Abner. Guard your heart against pride and bitterness. These emotions can drive reckless decisions and harm others. When hurt, deal with it honestly and biblically—don't let pride or revenge lead you astray.
3. Honor others, even when it’s complicated
After Abner’s death, David publicly mourned him, showing respect even though Abner had opposed him for years. David refused to let politics or grudges shape how he treated others. In a world quick to cancel or criticize, choose to honor people—even when your relationship with them is complicated. Show grace. People are watching, and your response can be a powerful testimony.
Pray (ACTS)
A – Praise God for being wise and sovereign, always working out your plan in perfect timing.
C – Confess a time you acted out of pride, impatience, or bitterness.
T – Thank God for His faithfulness and for the examples in Scripture that teach us how to walk with integrity.
S – Ask Him to help you trust His timing, to let go of offense, and to live with grace and honor toward others.
DISCUSS
Questions for personal reflection, spiritual insight, or group interaction.
Verse 1 says the war between David and Saul’s house lasted a long time, but David kept getting stronger. What does this show us about trusting God’s timing in our lives?
David had many sons by different wives. How might this have been a sign of success, and how might it lead to problems later? What can we learn from that?
When Ishbosheth challenged Abner, Abner got defensive and angry. Why do you think pride makes it hard for people to take correction?
Abner quickly switched sides and supported David. Do you think he was being honest, or just trying to protect himself? How can we check our heart motives when we make big decisions?
David agreed to make peace with Abner. What does this tell us about David’s leadership and his trust in God’s plan?
David asked for his wife Michal to come back. Do you think he was doing this for personal reasons, political power, or both? Was it the right move?
Joab killed Abner out of revenge. What can we learn from this about what happens when we hold on to anger or try to get even?
David clearly said he had nothing to do with Abner’s death. Why do you think it was so important for him to say that publicly?
David led the people in mourning for Abner. What does that teach us about showing respect and doing the right thing, even when it’s hard?
The people were pleased with how David handled Abner’s death. Why do you think that earned him more respect as a leader?
In verse 39, David says he felt weak and couldn’t stop Joab. What does this show us about leadership and dealing with things we can’t control?
What part of this chapter stood out to you the most? How does it challenge or encourage you in how you handle conflict, forgiveness, or trusting God?
Resources for Further Study of 2 Samuel