Teamwork Makes the Dream Work This Holiday Season

We’ve all been there: staring at the calendar in disbelief. How has the year flown by so fast? Suddenly, the holiday season is here, bringing with it a whirlwind of good cheer—and often, a lot of intense pressure, too.

Let's be honest: while it's a favorite time for many, this season can dredge up difficult emotions, old family baggage, and real stress. Navigating all of that solo is tough, but doing it with your spouse can sometimes make things feel even more strained.

This year, let's look at the holidays differently. Think of yourselves as an elite team with a common goal: to get through the season with more joy and closer than when you started. Here’s how you and your spouse can be the best teammates possible:

1. Tune In to One Another and Talk About the Invisible Weight You're Carrying

Talk about the mental load. It's the invisible, exhausting planning that often goes unspoken: coordinating schedules, remembering gift preferences, prepping for travel, and simply keeping track of everything. If your brain feels overloaded in a way you can't quite explain, you are absolutely not alone.

Start by acknowledging the juggling act. Don't just delegate tasks; try to genuinely understand that your partner is also juggling a massive cognitive burden. This understanding creates immediate empathy.

Next, verbalize it. Say it out loud. If you're feeling stressed or overwhelmed, just tell your partner, "My brain is full, and I need help sorting this out." You don't have to solve it all right away, but speaking that frustration into the open instantly lightens the load for both of you.

2. Check In by Ask the Important Question: "Are You Okay, Really?"

In the midst of all the shopping and social chaos, it's easy to assume your spouse is fine because they look like they're "handling it." But the holidays have a powerful way of magnifying grief, family trauma, or anxiety, making those difficult emotions cut even deeper.

Start by making time for each other. Carve out a moment—maybe over coffee or after the kids are asleep—to truly look at each other and ask, "Hey, are you doing okay? How can I genuinely support you right now?"

Then, show up. You can't solve every problem for your spouse, but simply knowing that you have their back—that you’re standing in this challenging season with them—can make all the difference in the world. Remind each other you’re a team, and you'll get through this together.

3. Set a Goal by Deciding What Matters Most to Us This Year?

The holidays come with a million competing demands. If you don't decide ahead of time what is most important to your family, you’ll end up exhausted and pulled in too many directions.

Start by defining your non-negotiables. Sit down and think through your individual priorities, but also consider what matters most to you as a couple. Maybe this year, your main focus is on spending quality time with your immediate family and saying no to peripheral parties, or maybe you want to incorporate a new tradition like volunteering.

Then, get on the same page. Having this conversation in advance ensures you are both aiming for the same target. This proactive alignment is the first step toward a less stressful season.

4. Draw the Line and Establish Boundaries That Protect Your Peace

We often feel external pressure to celebrate a certain way or attend every single event. Trying to please everyone is a fast track to burnout and resentment, leaving you too depleted to actually enjoy the time.

So what can you do? Protect your energy. Boundaries are simply guardrails that protect the time, energy, and priorities of your own immediate family. This might mean limiting the time spent at a relative's house, declining certain invitations, or opting out of an activity, even if it's "just for this year."

Once you decide, make sure you are united. Figure out what feels right for you two. Discuss where you are comfortable stretching a boundary and where you are absolutely not. Crucially, make a plan for how you will support each other when the pressure is on in the moment to break that boundary.

5. Practice the Art of Being Flexible and Embrace Compromise

After you define your priorities, you might find that some of them clash. This is normal! True teamwork means being willing to meet in the middle. Problem-solve together. Whether the debate is whose family you’ll celebrate with or whether to host a major party, approach it as a joint problem to be solved, not a negotiation to "win." Settle on a few plausible options that genuinely account for each person’s needs. If one solution doesn’t work perfectly this year, remember you’re not locked into it forever. Agree to check in afterward and talk about what worked and what didn't for next time.

This “teammate mentality” is powerful year-round, and it is absolutely crucial when the holiday demands begin to stack up. Use these steps to guide your relationship so you can focus less energy on the logistics and more on the joy of the season.