Practice Makes Progress - Even in Your Marriage

What’s something you could use a little more practice in? Maybe you’ve picked up a new hobby or want to sharpen a skill for your job. Maybe you’re hitting the driving range with your golf clubs to perfect your swing or trying to master a family recipe before the next big gathering. Whatever it is, practice usually leads to improvement—sometimes quickly, sometimes over time.

But have you ever thought about practicing in your marriage? That might sound strange at first. Most people talk about “working on” or “investing in” their marriage—but where does practice come into play?

Actually, there are several important areas in marriage where regular practice makes a big difference. Let’s take a closer look.

1. Expressing Appreciation

You probably feel grateful for your spouse—but do they know that? If you only express appreciation once in a while, they might not. Even if it’s obvious to you, your partner still needs to hear it.

Make it a goal to show appreciation a few times each day. Maybe you notice how your spouse handled a tough situation with the kids, or you realize how much they do behind the scenes each day. A simple “thank you” or compliment in those moments can mean more than you think. And just like the other areas, the more you practice expressing gratitude, the easier and more natural it becomes.

2. Truly Listening

Just as important as speaking up is knowing how to listen—really listen. That means hearing your spouse without interrupting, judging, or getting defensive. At first, you might think this just means staying quiet until it’s your turn to talk. But true listening goes deeper.

Instead of planning your next comment while they’re still talking, focus fully on what your spouse is saying. Try to understand not just their words, but the feelings behind them.

Reflecting back what you’re hearing is a powerful skill, and it’s one you can practice every day—during conflict and in regular conversations. The more you do it, the more natural it becomes.

3. Apologizing

Why is saying “I’m sorry” so hard sometimes? Offering a real apology—especially for the bigger things—takes humility, emotional maturity, and the willingness to own your mistakes. And let’s be honest, that doesn’t come easily for most people.

That’s why it’s something worth practicing. This doesn’t mean you should start apologizing for everything or saying “sorry” just to smooth things over. But it does mean learning to recognize moments when you’ve said something harsh or reacted poorly—and choosing to apologize rather than ignoring it. Even practicing sincere apologies in smaller situations helps you build the courage and habit to do it well when bigger conflicts arise.

4. Bringing Up Difficult Topics

You probably know the feeling—something’s bothering you, but you hold it in. Maybe you don’t want to cause a fight, or you're afraid it’ll lead to more problems. So you stay quiet and hope the issue will somehow fix itself. But instead, resentment grows, and the problem just gets bigger.

It’s a hard cycle to break, but learning to speak up respectfully and honestly is key to a healthy marriage. The more you practice bringing up tough subjects—even when it’s uncomfortable—the easier it becomes. Over time, you build confidence and set a healthy tone for communication when other challenges come along.

5. Showing Affection

Giving affection—whether physically or through words—can come naturally for some people, but not for everyone. How affectionate you are can also change depending on what season of life you're in as a couple. It might feel odd to think that hugging, holding hands, or saying “I love you” are things you need to practice. But the truth is, it’s easy to get out of the habit.

And the longer you go without these small acts of connection, the more uncomfortable or unnatural they can start to feel. If you're not usually a very affectionate person, or you feel like this part of your relationship is slipping, it’s time to be intentional. Go in for a kiss when you'd normally let the moment pass. Give a warm hug in the kitchen or sit close together on the couch. Tell your spouse you love them—especially when they’re not expecting it. Over time, these gestures start to feel natural again, and they can make a big impact.

Practice Strengthens Your Marriage

When we think about practice, we usually think of repetition—building up “muscle memory” so we can do something without even thinking. The same idea applies to marriage. It might seem unrealistic to think you can practice your way to a better relationship, but as these examples show, practice is often exactly what your marriage needs.

It doesn’t have to be perfect, and it won’t always be easy. But when you keep showing up, keep trying, and keep practicing these small, meaningful habits, they start to shape a stronger, more connected marriage—one step at a time.